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Lose My Email Address, Internet

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Unless you're willing to treat me like a human.

Hello, there! Project Manager and writer extraordinaire Melissa Randall here. I'm writing this blog post from the black pleather sofa in our office. My fellow client success team member, Dakota Hersey, is sitting beside me. 

We just finished eating lunch, which for me, was a breakfast bowl with extra bacon from Long Island Eatery, in Wilmington, North Carolina.

Here's how my day is going: I dropped half of that on the ground, I have to update a content calendar with over ten new blog posts for a client, and my inbox currently has 262 unread emails. 

See what I did there?

I just made it very clear to you that I'm a real person. I actually exist, and I'm just as busy as you are. I have a dog that needs to be walked, a gym membership that's frequently neglected, and at least four email accounts I check per day.

And yes, I actually receive your crappy marketing emails, despite what your open rate indicates. 

But given the volume of impersonal, overly salesy amount of emails in my work and personal inboxes, I rarely read any. On the occasion that one of them does catch my eye, I skim it, then assume whoever wrote it doesn't think or care that anyone is reading it. 

In this special, snarky blog post, I'm going to review the last few promotional, marketing, and sales emails I received, and tell you exactly why they're a let down. Learn from these mistakes, people.

#1 - The "Barely Trying" Email

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In this case, Talkspace, which is an online therapy platform, sent me a follow up email after I suspended my subscription. The reasons I cancelled were simple. The service was too expensive for what I was getting, and I didn't really find a ton of value in my assigned therapist.

When I signed up, I wasn't in dire need of the service, but it came highly recommended by a friend of mine who was working through some goal-setting challenges. From the get-go, I found the customer service disappointing. They challenged me on the low monthly cost my friend said she was getting, the wait to get a therapist was too long, and when the therapist was finally assigned, I felt as if she was providing blanketed, fill in the blank here, advice to me. 

So I dropped out, and Talkspace only seemed to take my customer loyalty seriously after I cancelled. 

After reading that email, think of it from my perspective. Why would I sign back into an overpriced service, when you didn't value me when I was there? The emails they've sent since (which, obviously, are within a workflow of other disinterested Melissas), all have the same tone of... hey, where'd you go? Come back, I guess.

Despite what they thought they were saying in the email I posted above, what I read was:

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You're making it worse.

Getting customers back is not something you do with poorly executed emails. Instead, a grassroots (or seemingly grassroots) tactic is better. Which brings me into the power of the email sender. There's a lot of impact that can be made just by updating your email signature, or creating one that establishes authority. 

Nick's email signature was:

Always here to help,
Nick from Talkspace

Yeah, so not really believing that "Nick from Talkspace" is a real person. What Talkspace could have signed that email as, that would have given Nick some credibility, could have been:

Let me know if I can help. 

Best,

Nick [last name here]
Customer Success Manager

Now if I believed that Nick from Talkspace didn't just care, but actually existed, I may have been more receptive to giving them another shot. The email content I may have responded to would have been:

  • A self-depricating email recognizing they need to improve on their services
  • An apology from the therapist dealing with me, asking for feedback
  • An email admitting that finding a patient/therapist match can be challenging, and using that to make me consider a second try

Of course, let's be real - a free month of service tacked on to ANY of those emails would have helped. Talkspace offered me a discount in the email, but it was pretty weak. 

No gracias. 

SEE ALSO: How We Quadrupled Our Qualified Applicant Pool By Firing Our Hiring Software


#2 - The "WALL OF TEXT" Email

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Did you read any of that? Me neither.

This email went on like that for quite awhile...like two pages long. Though I understand the intent (long form emails are becoming popular again), this one totally missed the mark. While the influencer intended to come off like a trusted friend or mentor, this is what I really saw when I opened this:

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I understand how webinar sign ups work, and the value in emails that communicate the details of a webinar. But to be honest, not even sure if this was a webinar email, as there was WAY too much copy to read... AND THAT'S MY POINT.

WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO? WHY DID YOU SEND ME THIS?

If you're considering a long-form email, I beg you to implement some A/B testing. It's important to see if your customers are actually responding to longer emails, rather than just assuming they are. A/B testing could rid the world of emails like these. 

Now, I am a supporter of long form emails. I've read some really good ones. So paired with content that would really interest me, that had a clear hook and personalized story about how this webinar/ebook/offer helped someone, Fake Robot Person also could have:

  • Provided a simple overview of the "ask". If it's a webinar, just tell me the topic, the value of it, the date, the time, and a link of where to sign up. That's it.
  • Offered me some kind of incentive to sign up, such as a hefty discount off whatever you're selling (cause I know you're sellin' something).
  • Given me an opportunity to personally connect with them for 5-10 minutes, for she/he/robot to give me customized feedback on my blog/company/service.


SEE ALSO: 
6 Steps To Building A Successful Webinar Outline

#3 - The "Totally Missed Opportunity" Email

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The fact that someone sent this is almost insulting, for a few reasons. First, it's literally FLIGHT DEALS. Travel is SO easy to promote, people! SO EASY!

Why would you send me a super long list of already expired flight deals? I don't have time to sort through this noise. In addition to the preview above, there were also a few blog posts they shared in this email with click bait titles, such as "Practical Travel Tips" with a overexposed photo underneath it.

Listen. If you have an interesting industry, or hey, any kind of interesting angle, put that in my face. You know what I would have clicked on?

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Or even this:

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Email communication is imperfect, but when done correctly, effective. Despite what has been drilled into you, sometimes it's totally okay to have fun and just get to the point. 

With getting to the point in mind, here are some takeaways about creating kickass emails that I,  your recipient, will open, read, and act on:

  • Actually understand my pain points, wants, and needs. It will be easy for me to tell if you don't.
  • If you're going to write a long-form email, do it right. Unique stories and perspectives are welcomed, exhaustive paragraphs that don't communicate anything of value are not.
  • Understand that if you're trying to gain my trust, either for the first time, or to win me back, you are literally competing with everything and anything else that takes up my time or takes my money. Make it worth my while to give you a try.
  • Know email best practices, but don't be afraid to be creative. People are more receptive to humor, fun, or memes than you think they are.

Lastly, I am a human. You are human. The robots aren't here yet, so let's spend the precious time we have making genuine, authentic, mutually beneficial interactions.

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